


Hide My Wings

by FollowTheFirefly



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-06
Updated: 2013-11-06
Packaged: 2017-12-31 15:41:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1033417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FollowTheFirefly/pseuds/FollowTheFirefly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Cas tries to convince Dean to let him become human. Written before season nine. Title inspired by "Angel With A Shotgun" by The Cab.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hide My Wings

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm working on importing my stories from my ff.net account and I thought I'd move this one over.

Whenever Cas and Dean were in a motel room by themselves, Dean never knew what to expect from the angel. He always told Sam that he should take Cas with him when he was gathering more information or going on a stake-out. After Cas botched the last stake-out by suddenly going after the wrong target, Sam decided that it would probably be a good idea to have Cas stay behind in the room with Dean.

The first time this happened, Cas had somehow managed to leave the room when Dean wasn’t paying attention. After running around the motel for an hour, Dean found Cas staring at a vending machine in the lobby. The angel had gone down to buy a soda when the machine jammed, preventing him from obtaining his drink. Cas had been staring at the machine in hopes that the bottle of soda would free itself. Dean needed to kick the vending machine on the side a few times, which dislodged the jam and the two walked back to the room a few moments later. 

This time, Dean was relieved to find Cas watching TV, though he was a little disturbed with what he heard form the device.

“Cas, you aren’t watching porn again, are you?” Dean asked warily.  
“You weren’t here, so I figured that it was okay.” Cas didn’t take his eyes off the TV.  
“Well, the idea of you watching porn is a little disturbing, buddy.” Dean leaned over and switched off the TV before he walked over to the mini-fridge and grabbed a beer. “Any word from Sam yet?”   
“He is still at the coroner’s.” Cas gave the TV a sad glance before he turned to Dean. “He was doubting if we’re really after a wendigo.”   
“Well, did he say what it could be?” Dean popped the tab off the beer.  
“Not quite.” Cas replied.  
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Dean arched his eyebrows.  
“He began to say what it could be but then the voice said that I was out of minutes.” Cas explained.  
“The voice.” Dean knew that he shouldn’t be surprised by this. “You mean the phone?”  
“It told me that I needed to buy more minutes.” Cas said simply.  
“On the phone.” Dean concluded. “We’ll, that’s just awesome.”  
“Are you out of minutes?” Cas’ eyes were on Dean.  
“I’ll just wait until he gets back.” Dean threw himself down on the couch next to Castiel. “I’ll start some more research.”  
“What do you think it could be?” Cas asked, watching as Dean started to look through his father’s notebook.  
“Not a clue.” Dean sighed. “And if Sam has an idea, that could help. But I guess it couldn’t hurt to hit the books again.”  
“I see.” Cas said slowly.  
“Sammy’s always the one who does the research, so I’m not sure how I should start this.” Dean ran his hand through his hair.   
“I want to talk to you about something.” Cas leaned closer towards Dean.  
“Cas, I know I said that its okay when Sam isn’t around, but we’ve got work to do.” Dean said, eyes on Castiel.  
“But this is important.” Cas said.  
“Okay.” Dean set John’s book on the table and turned to the angel. “What’s up, Cas?” 

Cas didn’t say anything for a moment and Dean could tell that Cas was trying to figure out how he was going to say what he needed to say what he needed to.

“Dean, you aren’t going to like what I’ve got to say.” Cas said.  
“And why’s that?” Dean asked before he drank a bit of his beer.  
“I’m trying to find a way to become human.” Cas confessed.

Dean stared at Cas for a few seconds as he tried to process what the angel was telling him. Cas couldn’t be serious, could he? What would make Cas want to be human?

“Cas, did I hear you right?” Dean questioned.  
“I’m trying to find a way to become human.” Cas was unsure if Dean heard him correctly, so he repeated himself.  
“Okay, I guess I did hear you.” Dean blinked in confusion. “And why do you want to become a human?”  
“I have grown tired of watching the years go by while everything changes and I remain the same.” Cas explained.  
“So you want to die?” Dean questioned. “And what about that vessel of yours, Cas? What about Jimmy?”  
“Jimmy prayed for this.” Cas reminded the other man.  
“Oh, really?” Dean turned so that he and Cas were face to face. “Jimmy Novak prayed for you to use his body so that you could become human?”  
“He wanted to be useful to the Lord.” Cas said.  
“If you’re human, then he won’t be.” Dean pointed out.  
“But I’m tired of doing this. Tired of fighting.” Cas said. “I just want to be able to be with you.”   
“Cas, why do you want that?” Dean asked.  
“I believe you know the answer to that.” Cas responded.   
Dean was silent for a few seconds before he said, “You know that-”  
“I should be able to find a way if I can find Bobby’s books.” Cas interrupted. “It might take a while but I should-”  
“You can’t do this?” Dean shook his head.  
“Why not?” Cas frowned in confusion.  
“Because if you’re a human, that means that you could die.” Dean said. “And if you die, then you won’t be with me.”   
“Does that matter?” Cas asked, his face showing his confusion.  
“Of course it does, Cas.” Dean stated it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “It matters if you aren’t here with me.”  
“Why?” Cas demanded. “How?”  
“Because you make this bearable.” Dean explained.   
“You have Sam.” Cas went on. “I’m sure that he can help in more ways than I can.”  
“Not in the same way, Cas.” Dean shook his head, “You’re both very important to me, but in very different ways.”   
“Are you referring to what happens when Sam is not around?” Cas asked.  
“Yes, that’s exactly what I am talking about.” Dean nodded.  
“Oh.” Cas said simply, taking his eyes off Dean for a few seconds. “But what does this have to do with me trying to be human?”  
“If you’re human, you can die.” Dean explained. “And if you die, I’ll be all alone.”   
“You were before you met me.” Cas pointed out.  
“But living the rest of my life will be pretty damn depressing if I have to live without you.” Dean sad.  
“And that’s why I want to become human.” Cas finally looked up at Dean, the blue eyes meeting the green. “Because if you died and I couldn’t bring you back, I don’t know what would happen.”  
Dean looked confused when he said, “So you do actually feel something. I was starting to wonder if this whole thing was just one-sided.”   
“Why do you say that?” Cas frowned in confusion.  
“Well, Cas, you don’t exactly display a wide range of emotions.” Dean told him.  
“It is difficult to understand what emotions I should display and when.” Cas explained. “Sometimes you tell me to show an emotion and others you tell me to repress it.”   
“Well, when Sam is around, it’s a good idea to not show too many emotions.” Dean told Cas.  
“I’ll make a note of it.” Cas nodded. “So do I have your permission?”   
“You’re asking my permission?” Dean was genuinely surprised.  
“I figured that you wouldn’t accept it.” Cas admitted.   
Dean sighed and after thinking about it for a few seconds, said, “Let’s hold off on it for now.”  
“I understand.” Cas nodded.   
“We need to find a way that we know for sure will work.” Dean continued. “I can’t risk losing you.”  
“But I can’t lose you, either.” Cas leaned forward and gentle pressed his lips to Dean’s. When Dean didn’t respond for a few seconds, Cas asked, “Was I not meant to do that?”  
“No, Cas, it’s okay.” Dean told him. “As long as Sam isn’t around, its fine.”   
“I sense something is troubling you.” Cas squinted at Dean.  
“I’m just thinking about how screwed up this situation is.” Dean replied.  
“Should we stop this, then?” Cas asked.  
“I personally don’t want to.” Dean shook his head. “Not when it seems like this is working.”  
“So should we tell Sam?” Cas asked. “From the amount of human interaction I’ve seen, it is important for family members to know about a relationship.”  
“We probably should.” Dean nodded. “But let’s wait until after we finish this job, okay?”  
“I’ll leave you to it.” Cas said.  
“Don’t think you’re getting off that easy.” Dean shook his head.  
“What do you mean?” Cas wondered.  
“Sam’s probably going to interrogate me about this.” Dean reached over and linked his fingers with Cas’. “You’re in this as much as I am.”  
“But you always said that I would mess up something.” Cas frowned in confusion.  
“Trust me, Cas, it’s better this way.” Dean said as he squeezed Cas’ hand.  
“If you insist.” Cas nodded. “But you aren’t going to forget about this, are you?”  
“I won’t.” Dean leaned forward and gave Cas a quick kiss. “I’ll be thinking about it.”

What could have been a romantic moment quickly ended, however, when the door opened and Sam walked in. Dean quickly jumped to the other side of the couch and both men tried to look as though they had not been sharing an intimate moment. 

“Am I interrupting something?” Sam looked from Dean to Cas.  
“No, everything is fine.” Cas shook his head.   
“Did you find out something?” Dean asked his brother.  
“Yeah, it seems like it might actually be a wendigo after all.” Sam said.   
“So what you told me was a lie?” Cas’ eyes were on the youngest Winchester.  
“I thought it was true until I had a chance to reanalyze the evidence, so to speak.” Sam told Cas.   
“So what did you find?” Dean asked in a confused manner.  
“Just give me a minute to go to the john.” Sam said as he walked in the direction of the bathroom. “I’ll explain everything in a minute.”

Sam walked into the small bathroom and closed the door behind him, leaving Cas and Dean alone. Cas didn’t like the idea of keeping anything secret from Sam, whether it was his relationship with Dean or how he was trying to become human. All he knew was that Dean told him to wait until the job was over until they told Sam about everything. If Dean thought that was best, then Cas figured that he could wait a little longer to hide his wings forever.


End file.
